Thursday, 7 February 2013


A Bridge Too Far

 September 1944. The advances in education are being slowed by overextended supply teachers. The schools say they have few resources and morale is very poor. 103% of all students taking GCSEs score 12 triple A grades or better – something must be done. Plans for changes to qualifications designed to address the grade inflation, dumbing down and loss of rigour in those examinations are prepared.

But, General Gove and Colonel Twigg have competing plans for ending the problem quickly, (and being the first to get re-elected). Under political pressure, Supreme Allied Commander David Cameron chooses Gove's plan Operation Muckup Educating.

Operation Muckup Educating  targets results being dropped as much as 64%  behind guide lines in the Otherlands. The largest examination system assault ever attempted, General Gove says, "We're going to lay a carpet, of academia" over which bamboozled divisions of students can pass and confidently suggests that "We shall seize the Oxbridges - it's all a question of Oxbridges.

After the Muckup Educating command briefing, the teaching unions voice their deep doubts that the plan can work. Head teachers worry about dropping new tests into the curriculum in daylight.

The Liberal Democrats present at that briefing do not question the orders, but Field Marshall Clegg walks up to check the briefing officer's uniform insignia and says "Just making sure whose side you're on." Later, when General Gove briefs his officers, some of them are surprised they are going to attempt a testing system so far from the Oxbridge standard, but they have to make the best of it.

General Gove tells them that the key to overcoming the distance from the drop in standards zone to the Oxbridge, is the use of Ewoks to bring in old fashioned tests of knowledge and understanding. Gove says that if any one group fails, the entire operation fails.

The consensus among the Conservative top brass is that resistance will consist entirely of Labour Youth or old men, but a young British intelligence officer, brings information to General Gove, showing think tanks are dug in and will inevitable crush his plans for an advance in examination standards.

At this point things take a rather more sage turn from the debacle at Arnhem that cost so many allied and German lives as:

Gove announces plans to scrap GCSEs in key subjects in England and replace them with English Baccalaureate Certificates are being abandoned by the government. He said plans for the new exams had been "a bridge too far".

1 comment:

  1. I'm guessing it wasn't sugar you sprinkled on your cornflakes this morning. That post was seriously off the wall. The girls of St Trinian's would've taken the bridge by morning break.

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